How this works is that I will print out an A4 version of the Fabergé Eggs cover and then place a real 7" single (TV Party by Black Flag - it was taking too long to find my original choice - A Gigantic Raft in the Philippines by It's Immaterial - as it happens) over the image and draw carefully around it. Then I will get the big blue scissors from the kitchen and cut out the 7" image. Next I will coat the picture with a generous layer of PVA glue. When the glue is starting to dry a little I will expertly draw a fine toothed hair comb round the surface in a perfect circular motion to create the record grooves. (This will mean I will not be able to comb my hair ever again - no great loss). When it has dried I will write the lyrics to Faberge Eggs on the other side in coloured pen and then I will put it in an envelope and post it to you. You can play it yourself to prove that it is, indeed, unplayable or you can get one of those DIY clock kits and turn it into a delightful wall clock, although as it is also a flexi disk it may have a slightly floppy, Salvador Dali-esque vibe. I remember as a child seeing a Toyah picture disc clock, you don't forget something like that.
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But all the tribes and all the peoples will speak the truth who are receiving from you yourself, O Melchizedek, Holy One, High-Priest, the perfect hope and the gifts of life. I am Gamaliel, who was sent to [...] the congregation of the children of Seth, who are above thousands of thousands, and myriads of myriads, of the aeons [...] essence of the aeons, aba[...] aiai ababa. O divine [...] of the [...] nature [...]! O Mother of the aeons, Barbelo! O first-born of the aeons, splendid Doxomedon Dom[...]! O glorious one, Jesus Christ! O chief commanders of the luminaries, you powers Armozel, Oroiael, Daveithe, Eleleth, and you man-of-light, immortal aeon Pigera-Adamas, and you good god of the beneficent worlds, Mirocheirothetou, through Jesus Christ, the Son of God! This is the one whom I proclaim, inasmuch as there has visited the One who truly exists, among those who exist [...] do(es) not exist, Abel Baruch - that you (sg.) might be given the knowledge of the truth [...], that he is from the race of the High-priest, which is above thousands of thousands, and myriads of myriads, of the aeons. The adverse spirits are ignorant of him, and (of) their (own) destruction. Not only (that, but) I have come to reveal to you the truth, which is within the brethren. He included himself in the living offering, together with your offspring. He offered them up as an offering to the All. For it is not cattle that you will offer up for sin(s) of unbelief, and for the ignorances, and (for) all the wicked deeds which they will do [...]. And they do not reach the Father of the All [...] the faith ...